There’s something oddly comforting about knowing that no matter what kind of day you’re having—good, bad, chaotic, or one of those “I can’t believe this is my life” days—fries will always make sense. You don’t need instructions. You don’t need to assemble anything. You just… eat them. And suddenly things feel less awful.

But here’s the thing: not all fries are created equal.
Some are for vegans. Some are for picky foodies who swirl sauces like they’re tasting wine. Some are for the midnight gremlins (hi, it’s me) who wander into the kitchen at 11:47 p.m. with zero plans except carbs.

So, let’s talk about the best fries for all three. Grab a snack—preferably fried—and let’s do this.

Fries for Vegans Who Are Tired of Being Asked, “But… what do you even eat?”

First of all, vegans deserve a medal. People ask the same questions over and over, like they’re doing stand-up comedy at every family gathering. But fries? Fries don’t interrogate you. Fries mind their business.

But here’s the catch: not every fry is vegan. Sneaky things like beef tallow, shared fryers, weird coatings—ugh, why is life like this?

1. Classic Straight-Cut Fries

Simple. Innocent. Usually safe.
If they’re cooked in vegetable oil and not dusted with some mystery seasoning, these are a vegan’s most reliable best friend. They’re the tofu of fries—neutral and endlessly customizable. Smoky paprika? Go ahead. Garlic salt? Yes. Dunk them in vegan mayo? Please do.

2. Sweet Potato Fries

These feel like the healthier cousin, even though you and I both know they’re still deep-fried. But hey, they taste like they contain vitamins, so that counts for something. Plus, vegans can dip them in spicy vegan aioli and pretend it’s self-care.

3. Waffle Fries

Ah yes, the architectural marvel of the fry world.
They hold dips like tiny edible shelves. And most waffle fries happen to be vegan—as long as the place isn’t using butter-based seasoning (why does that even exist?). They’re fun, they’re crispy, and they make you feel like you’re eating more because of the surface area. Science.

Fries for Foodies Who Overthink Everything (lovingly)

You know these people. Maybe you are these people.
The ones who swirl their ketchup like a sommelier. The ones who say things like, “The mouthfeel is different.”

Foodies want fries with personality. Drama. A whole story arc.

1. Truffle Fries

Are they overhyped? Yes.
Do we still order them anyway because we want to feel fancy for five minutes? Also yes.

Truffle fries basically say, “I have taste and I’d like everyone here to know it.” They’re the fry equivalent of wearing sunglasses indoors. They’re also the go-to side for gourmet burgers that already feel a little too attractive to be eaten by mere mortals.

2. Hand-Cut Fries

These are the artisanal fries. The ones that make you think someone in the back is wearing an apron and using words like “rustic.” They’re thick enough to bite into without snapping in half, and they have that perfect slightly-oily sheen.
Foodies love these because they’re “real.” Meaning: they’re irregularly shaped. Imperfection is apparently delicious.

3. Loaded Fries

Oh boy. The chaos fries.
We’re talking cheese (or vegan cheese, chill), green onions, jalapeños, sauces drizzled like modern art, maybe even short rib or chili if you’re going all out. These are the fries that require two hands and a moment of silence before you begin.

Foodies love the drama. The flair. The absolutely unnecessary presentation. And honestly? So do I.

Fries for Late-Night Cravings (aka survival mode)

There’s something deeply spiritual about the fries you eat after 10 p.m.
They hit different. Maybe it’s the exhaustion. Maybe it’s the hunger. Maybe it’s the fact that your standards drop dramatically after dark.

These fries don’t need to be fancy. They just need to be reliable.

1. Crinkle-Cut Fries

The unsung heroes.
Crinkle cuts taste better after 11 p.m., and I will not be taking questions. They hold onto salt like it’s emotional baggage. They’re also great if you want a fry that doesn’t get soggy too fast.

2. Shoestring Fries

Late-night snacking is all about mindless eating. You want to eat like 60 fries without realizing it. Shoestring fries are perfect for that. You can grab them in chaotic handfuls and just keep going until you’re no longer sure what day it is.

3. Curly Fries

These are the fries that understand you. They’re seasoned, they’re weird, they’re spirals (??), and they taste like childhood mall memories mixed with poor life decisions. After midnight, curly fries are basically medicine.

So… What Are the “Best Fries” Actually?

Honestly? The best fries are the ones that understand the assignment in the moment.
Are you vegan? Are you a foodie? Are you half-asleep staring into the fridge like it wronged you?

There’s a fry for that.

What I’ve learned is this: fries don’t judge. They adapt. They show up when you need them. They’re the emotional support food we don’t talk about enough.

So whether you’re dipping straight-cuts into vegan garlic mayo, piling toppings onto thick hand-cut beauties, or inhaling curly fries at midnight like a cartoon character… just know you’re doing life right.

And if you eat them alongside one of those ridiculously good gourmet burgers?
Well. That’s just bonus points.